It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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