you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
