Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
