Porn is love you can see.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
