I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The beer is more important than you right now.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
