my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
