It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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