So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
