If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The Olympian is in my bed
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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