so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
