:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
