Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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