k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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