i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize