VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
