if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Randomize
