I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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