Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
