I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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