I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize