i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I will be naked everywhere
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
