we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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