There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
