I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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