He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
