Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
