he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
