Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
