He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
