it was like eating out sand paper
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
