matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
