Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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