I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
