end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
