Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
