my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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