I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
