On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
