Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
