I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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