just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
