did you get engaged???
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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