That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
