glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
