I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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