clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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