my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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