Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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