walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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