Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
