I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
