Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
