mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
