I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
