My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
