I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Please don't give away my fajitas
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
