i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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