now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
