i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
