I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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