JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
