She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
