The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
