I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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