Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
