I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
