I heard we made out
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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