I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
