i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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