took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
