i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
